Why did Brown do this to me...?

Before recently, I never really thought about UPS. Of course, occasionally I’d see their brown box truck on the road or pulling up to my place of employment. A childhood friend’s father worked for the company, as did several of my friends in college. Still, I never used UPS to send anything and don’t recall ever receiving anything delivered by them either.

I also don’t ever remember seeing any of their ads. That is until recently.

Recently, UPS unveiled their ‘Whiteboard’ campaign (complete with its’ own website: www.whiteboard.ups.com).

This comprehensive marketing campaign is targeted at small business owners. Offering insights on how UPS can help them troubleshoot and fix problems in relation to shipping.

The ads are, to be fair, original. Which is just about the only good thing that can be said about them.

Most of the blame for this falls squarely on the shoulders of Andy Azula (AKA “The Whiteboard Jerk”), marketing director for The Martin Agency.

The Martin Agency developed the Whiteboard campaign and screen tested many actors to play the ‘Whiteboard guy.’ Azula often demonstrated or fed lines to the actors and it became apparent there was only one mook who was smarmy enough to play The Whiteboard Guy… it was Azula himself.

I’ve dubbed him The Whiteboard Jerk (I’ve given him a much less pleasant moniker, however, he’ll be know as The Jerk here). Azula’s long, greasy brown locks are where the problems begin. I understand that he is trying to look like an intellectual college professor, but unless there is a degree in shipping at some college (maybe at The University of Portland State (or UPS, get it?)) I’d rather not take my shipping advice from some pseudo-intellectual jerk. The Whiteboard Jerk also rocks a professor-ish sweater or collard shirt that screams sycophant.

The brown-noser draws on a whiteboard all of the ways that UPS can meet your small business shipping needs (with The Postal Service’s ‘Such Great Heights,’ a song I actually like, playing in the background, how unfortunate), and get this, he uses a brown maker. I can think of something brown that this campaign reminds me of, but it’s not a marker.

Perhaps the most annoying part of the commercial though, is when the Whiteboard Jerk adds a little flair with a fun comment at the end of every spot augmented by a fun, final drawing on the whiteboard.

If the goal of this spot was to make you want to rearrange Mr. Azula’s facial features, sans surgery, it’s a fabulous success, but personally I can’t pay any attention to finding out what brown can do for me, because I am stabbing myself in the eyes and ears.

Apparently I’m not the only one who finds this campaign annoying, you can go to YouTube and type in “Whiteboard guy” and all sorts of spoofs (some good, some bad) come up.

The Whiteboard Jerk may be the most annoying person on TV (especially since Rosie O’Donnell isn’t on anymore). One thing is for sure, the next time I have to ship a package, I’m using FedEx, and the next time a UPS truck is behind me, I'll be sure to drive extra slow...